The Sermon at Benares
- When her son dies, Kisa Gotami goes from house to house. What does she ask for? Does she get it? Why not?
Answer: After the death of her only son, Kisa Gotami carries his body from house to house, asking for medicine to bring him back to life. No, she does not get it. The neighbors think she has lost her mind because it is impossible to provide medicine for someone who is already dead. They understand, even if she does not yet, that death is inevitable and irreversible. - Kisa Gotami again goes from house to house after she speaks with the Buddha. What does she ask for the second time? Does she get it? Why not?
Answer: Following the Buddha’s instruction, she goes from house to house asking for a handful of mustard seeds. However, there was a condition: the seeds had to come from a house where no one had ever lost a child, husband, parent, or friend. She does not get the seeds. While every household was willing to give her mustard seeds, she could not find a single home that had not been touched by death. - What does Kisa Gotami understand the second time that she failed to understand the first time? Was this what the Buddha wanted her to understand?
Answer: The second time, Kisa Gotami understands that death is common to all and that she was being “selfish” in her grief. She realizes that the world is full of suffering and that no one is exempt from the cycle of life and death. This is exactly what the Buddha wanted her to realize. Rather than simply telling her the truth, he allowed her to discover it herself through her own experience, which made the lesson much more powerful. - Why do you think Kisa Gotami understood this only the second time? In what way did Buddha change her understanding?
Answer: The first time, she was blinded by her personal pain and could only see her own loss. The Buddha changed her understanding by giving her a practical task that forced her to interact with the grief of others. By hearing the stories of every family in the village, she shifted her perspective from her individual sorrow to a universal truth. She saw that “the living are few, but the dead are many,” which helped her accept her son’s passing as part of the natural order. - How do you usually understand the idea of ‘selfishness’? Do you agree with Kisa Gotami that she was being ‘selfish in her grief’?
Answer: Typically, selfishness is defined as thinking only of one’s own interests without regard for others. In Kisa Gotami’s case, she was “selfish in her grief” because she expected her son to be spared from a fate that eventually claims everyone.
Agreement: Yes, her grief was selfish in the sense that she wanted to pull her son back from the natural cycle of death, ignoring the fact that every human being suffers the same loss.
Nuance: However, this “selfishness” is a very human and relatable reaction to extreme tragedy. The Buddha did not judge her for it but used it as a teaching moment to move her toward enlightenment and peace.